Why Identity led goals help midlife women create meaningful change, purpose and legacy.
Dr Bernice George
January 2025
The New Year often arrives like an untouched canvas, inviting us to create a new chapter in the ongoing story of our lives. For midlife women, this “canvas” is not a blank page but a richly textured manuscript; layers of experience woven into an evolving script. While we cannot rewrite past chapters, we have the power to co-author the next scenes, actively shaping our journey by the choices we make.
This perspective transforms the turning of the calendar into far more than an exercise in willpower. It becomes an opportunity to align our deepest values, desire for meaningful contribution, and the ongoing process of becoming with our personal agency.
Research shows about 80% of New Year’s resolutions fade by early February, leaving only the faint traces of intent and the ache of an ‘unfinished’ script.
Why do so many thoughtful, ambitious goals wither on the vine? The usual explanations – lack of willpower, poor planning – are as surface-level as “just try harder.”
Studies and my professional experience show that goals closely linked to identity – aligned with intrinsic motivation and personally meaningful growth – are far more likely to be achieved and maintained, especially for women navigating the “second adulthood” that midlife brings.
This is why the NLP concept of “well-formed outcomes” matters: These transform vague wishes into clear, actionable intentions that harmonise with your core integrity, vision, and enjoyment.
Here is an example of the well-formed outcome process, using mentoring as a model for midlife women who fear time is running out to make a meaningful professional contribution.
Well-Formed Outcome for Midlife Mentoring
1. Clearly State What You Want in Positive, Specific Terms:
“I’ll mentor three colleagues, regardless of their age, over the next six months, helping them advance in their professional and personal development.”
This tangible goal is anchored in your desire for generativity and legacy, transcending outdated notions about who should mentor whom. The clarity also engages the mind and signals progress.
2. Focus on what’s in your control:
“I’ll identify three colleagues (including one older peer), initiate contact within one week,schedule one session each month with each mentee, offer feedforward, share my lived experience, and jot key reflections after each meeting.”
You take proactive steps you can direct, instead of waiting for others to seek you out or for visible recognition.
3. Use Sensory-Based Evidence:
“I’ll know I’ve succeeded when each mentee has set a new professional goal, reports increased confidence or clarity, and I receive explicit feedback about the positive impact of our discussions.”
This links success to observable, relational outcomes, fostering clarity about your growth as a guide and role model.
4. Check Its Fit and Impact on Your Life:
“Mentoring integrates into my monthly rhythms, supports my value of contribution, enhances my other commitments, and brings greater joy and coherence, instead of creating internal conflict.”
By assessing the fit, you ensure this mentoring aligns with your identity as a collaborative, generative leader.
5. Identity Integration: Who Am I Becoming?
“Through mentoring, I am becoming ‘Radically Me’: a woman whose influence is not defined by age or status, but by creating a culture of mutual growth, wisdom exchange, and authentic support.
This stage nourishes my psychological wellbeing and demonstrates that contribution is not limited by time or conventional hierarchy.”
Conclusion
In short, this reflective, intentional approach integrates who you are now with who you are becoming … ‘Radically Me.’ It invites you to let identity inform goals, making them a living narrative rather than a passing checklist.
So, this New Year, approach your goals less as resolutions that demand perfection, and more as chapters in your unfolding manuscript of growth, joy, and radical authenticity. Integrate your aims with your truest self, take small sustainable steps, and watch as commitment becomes a coherent story of devotion, challenge, contentment and transformation.
Dr Bernice George
Psychologist & Identity Coach
bernice@bernicegeorgecoach.com
https;//bernicegeorgecoach.com